Best man speech tips that actually work on the day

The best man speech is the one the room is waiting for. Expectations are high, the drink is flowing, and your audience ranges from the groom’s university friends to his great-aunt. Here is how to give a speech that works for all of them.

Keep it to five to seven minutes

That is roughly 700 to 900 words. It feels short when you are writing it and long when you are standing up. Nobody has ever complained that a best man speech was too brief.

In the UK, the best man traditionally speaks last, after the father of the bride and the groom. By then, guests have heard two speeches. Make yours tight.

A structure that never fails

1. Open with a quick laugh. Something light about yourself or the occasion, not the groom.
2. Introduce yourself. How you know the groom, in a sentence.
3. Two or three stories about the groom. Each one should reveal something true about him.
4. Turn to the couple. How they met, what you noticed when he met his partner, why they work.
5. Read any messages from people who could not attend, if asked.
6. Toast the couple.

Jokes that land

Stories beat one-liners. A borrowed joke from the internet will be recognised by at least three people in the room. A specific, true story about the groom is guaranteed to be original.

The test for every joke: would his grandmother laugh, or at least smile? If the answer is no, cut it. The same goes for anything involving exes, stag do secrets, money troubles or anything that might embarrass the couple’s families.

The kindest jokes tease the groom about something everyone already knows: his terrible sense of direction, his unshakeable loyalty to a struggling football club, his ten-year relationship with one particular jumper.

Don’t forget the sincere bit

The best speeches are funny for five minutes and then, briefly, genuinely moving. Say something real about your friend and his partner. One honest sentence about what you have seen change in him since they met will do more than a page of jokes.

What to avoid

• Inside jokes that only five people understand
• Long lists of thank-yous (the groom handles those)
• Reading from your phone, which looks casual in the worst way
• Drinking heavily before you speak. One drink for nerves at most
• Mentioning the cost of the wedding, the honeymoon or anything else
• Running over. If your speech is ten minutes, cut a story

Delivery

Print your speech on cue cards in large type, numbered in case you drop them. Practise it out loud at least five times, ideally once in front of someone honest.

Slow down. Nerves make everyone speak too fast. Pause after each punchline; the laugh needs space. Look up at the room at the end of every sentence, and at the couple during the sincere part.

If a joke falls flat, keep going. Nobody remembers a joke that did not land. They remember a speaker who looked happy to be there.

If writing it is the problem

Many best men know exactly what they want to say and simply cannot get it on paper. A professional wedding speechwriter will take your stories and turn them into a speech that sounds like you, usually within a week. You still deliver it; you just do not have to stare at a blank page.